How to Have Effective Communication
Trying to get your point across and not making any headway?
Communicating with one another is something we do on a daily basis, and yet many of us struggle to put what is on our hearts into words.
Look at these two sentences:
Option 1#: “You never clean up your clothes!”
Option 2#: “I feel frustrated because the closet has clothes on the floor, and I just cleaned.”
Which one would you prefer to hear from a loved one? Most likely the second one! There are two key differences between the two sentences. The first is the use of ‘you’ vs. ‘I’. When we utilize the word ‘you,’ defense walls automatically come up. That is because we are making the topic of conversation about them vs. our experience in the matter. The second big difference is that the second option shares an emotion. Sharing our emotions and the “why” behind said emotion can go a long way.
Healthy interpersonal communication is a big facet of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). An acronym that can help us engage in healthy interpersonal communication (i.e., the way we talk with one another) is to follow DEAR MAN. DEAR MAN stands for the following:
D- Describe (objectively, without ‘you’ as much as the English language permits)
E- Express (“I feel [emotion] because....”)
A- Ask (What am I needing?)
R- Reinforce (what will they get out of it/why do they care?)
M- Mindful (use therapeutic pause when applicable)
A- Assertive (not passive or aggressive)
N- Negotiate (make compromises when possible/applicable)
Next time you find yourself caught in a situation in which you want to really articulate yourself efficiently, try out the acronym above and notice the differences in the outcome!
Want to learn more about how to cultivate healthier language to make a positive impact on your relationships, then you’re in the perfect place.
