I Feel Fat
“How are you feeling today?”
“I feel fat”
This is a conversation that I have had countless times both in session and outside. That being said, there is a lot to break down in those two simple statements. First, notice how the question was asked, “How are you feeling”. The key word right there is feeling. Believe it or not, fat is NOT a feeling. Rather it is a thought or opinion or state of being.
I find it telling when I am told someone is feeling “fat”. That quickly tells me ‘I am feeling a lot of really big emotions and I don’t know how to express them’. Furthermore, it informs me that a person most likely has not processed through their emotions in a healthy way. Rather, they have been “coping sideways” as I like to call it. Coping sideways refers to using unhealthy mechanisms, such as restricting, purging, over-exercising, binging, etc. as a way to cope unhealthily with the difficult experiences the person is going through. Although the coping attempts are temporarily relieving, they are generally very short-lived. Thus needing to repeat the behavior again in order to continue to avoid the uncomfortable feeling and/or experience. Lastly, it informs me that they see ‘fatness’ in a negative context vs. a neutral descriptive word separate from the worth and value of the person.
The image below is a picture I like to draw for my clients when helping separate feelings from the innocent bystanders, aka our bodies.
As you can see in the picture, the emotions are “pushing out” and filling up the inside of the gingerbread person. Oftentimes, these emotions are either attempted to be ‘starved out’ by restriction, ‘pushed out’ by purging, or ‘stuffed down’ by binging. Interestingly enough, neither food nor body image is the actual “culprit” at hand. Rather, it is the emotions within that are causing the feelings of “fullness” or even “fatness”.
Ed (eating disorder) likes to lie and say that if you “just lose a little weight” or “fix the problem areas” happiness would then be achieved. However, as noted above we are only putting a brief bandaid on the actual source of pain. Instead, perhaps we begin to process and work through the emotions within vs. putting the focus on what is perceived.
Next time you feel “fat”, ask yourself this question: ‘Am I fat or are my feelings fat”?
PSA: Moreover, living in a larger body is NOT a “moral failing” nor does that directly mean you are “unhealthy” as society tries to make us believe. We are SO MUCH MORE than our weight, shape, or size!
