Why Aren’t My Coping Skills Working?
“Coping skills don’t work for me”
A statement I have heard time and time again. Many times when I am meeting with a new client who has been struggling with their mental health for quite some time, this is the response I am typically met with.
My response usually is “Of course not!”. Which I am understandably so often met with a perplexed look. I then go into explaining the neurobiology surrounding why coping skills sometimes feel ineffective, especially when we need them most!
First, it is important that we talk a little bit about our amygdala. Amygda-la-what you might ask? The amygdala is an almond-shaped part of our brain in the medial temporal lobe, just anterior to (in front of) the hippocampus. This little guy is in charge of the very important ‘flight, flight, or freeze’ response and emotional processing. This response is pivotal for our survival. It allows us to perceive a threat, and react!
For example, think about a time when you were sitting peacefully reading a good book when suddenly there was a loud “BOOM”! Instantly you jolt upright, your heart is racing and you are frantically looking around the room to identify the source of the loud commotion.
That response was thanks to the amygdala!
The problem occurs when our amygdala is dysregulated or “hijacked”. In these circumstances, our amygdala perceives a threat when there is no threat. For example, let's say when you were younger you were bitten by a dog. Now that you are older, whenever you even think of a dog, your heart starts racing, you get clammy, and your anxiety spikes. This response is also due to the amygdala. There is no dog to be seen, yet your body is responding like there is one (one ready to bite you to be exact).
Once the amygdala is activated, no amount of the prefrontal cortex (the part in charge of executive functioning like logic and reasoning) can help you as it is no longer ‘online’.
This is why techniques such as cognitive restructuring, decatastrophizing, or any other cognitive-based skills are going to be quite irrelevant to you at this point. Rather, we want to get our amygdala soothed and no longer activated so that we can engage our whole brain.
I like to think of our amygdala akin to a toddler. When a toddler wants something, say a lollipop right before dinner, they do not have the developed prefrontal cortex to be able to understand that dinner is in 5 minutes. They just want the lollipop! At this point, they need to be soothed and distracted until they have calmed down enough to see that food is indeed coming. Our amygdala is like the toddler and the parent soothing the child is the prefrontal cortex!
That said, it is very important that we use coping skills tailored specifically to the amygdala in order to be able to effectively use higher levels of cognitive coping skills. Some examples of techniques helpful for soothing the amygdala include diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and grounding skills.
Once the amygdala is soothed, THEN we can incorporate higher-level coping skills and begin to get relief from dysregulation symptoms. Once this skill is learned and implemented, soon I start hearing “Hey those coping skills actually do work”!
